The upcoming presidential election - late night jokes

-If Hillary and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved? ... America of course.

- A man in France was arrested today for using his car to run down a pedestrian. He said he thought it was Osama bin Laden. OK, it was a mistake ... but it still ranks as France's biggest military victory since Napoleon was in power.

- Jay Leno: "Do you know what Barack Obama¹s middle name is? Hussein. Could've been worse. Could've been Kerry or Gore."

- Bill Maher: "Did you hear the latest about Barack Obama? He comes from a family of slave owners. He looks black, but he's half white. Apparently, on his mothers side, which is the white side, they owned slaves. The Barack Obama camp is going to deny it ... but his approval ratings in the South shot up 27 points."

- Jay Leno: "Barack Obama said today that politics has become too gummed up by money and influence ... and then he had to leave to attend a fundraiser."

- Conan O'Brien: "I don't know if you have seen this. It's everywhere. They have a controversial photo of Barack Obama wearing a turban. It's been circulating on the Internet. The turban photo should help Obama with a key group of voters, the New York taxi drivers. This is a big scandal. As a result, Barack has been offered a starring role in 'Big Momma's House 3.'"

- Leno: "In political news, Hillary Clinton has been hinting that she and Barack Obama might share the Democratic ticket with her in the number one position. She feels Barack Obama deserves some sort of consolation prize for getting the most votes and being the most popular."

- Leno: "It's always your friends that kill you. It's not your enemies. It seems Barack Obama's longtime pastor raising eyebrows at some of his more outrageous comments. I'm not going to repeat any of what he said here, but now I understand he's the guy that keeps calling the White House at 3 am.
Barack Obama denied being in church when he gave these sermons. In fact, Barack is now claiming, 'Look, I'm a Muslim. I was at the mosque.' He then added, 'I've smoked Reverend Wright's semons, but I did not inhale.'
Obama is apparently trying to distance himself from his church, and today, Mitt Romney said, 'Hey, good luck with that. Let me know how that works out.' Obama admitted he wasn't aware of some of the more radical rhetoric because, like most Americans, he falls asleep in church."

"When our country and its citizens can no longer say a joke, take a joke, play a joke and give a joke, then the end is nearer than we think. God help us all." - unknown